“Where Are My People?” The Quiet Loneliness of Starting Over Somewhere New

No one really talks about how hard it is to find your people as an adult—especially when you’ve just moved to a new city, started university, or taken a leap into something unfamiliar.

You show up with hope and maybe a Pinterest board of your “new chapter” aesthetic. But then the reality sets in: your phone isn’t buzzing with plans, the cafés are full of strangers, and making friends suddenly feels harder than it ever has.

And here’s the honest truth: loneliness doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re human.

The Silent Grief of Starting Over

There’s a quiet kind of grief that comes with starting fresh. You’ve left behind your routines, your favorite brunch spot, your people—the ones who knew your laugh without explanation. Now, you're surrounded by newness, which is exciting... but also isolating.

You might be living in a city full of people and still feel invisible.You might be walking around campus wondering if everyone else already found their group.You might be asking, Where do I even begin?

Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult?

• We don’t have built-in spaces anymore. In childhood, school and play created natural connection. As adults, we often have to create the space ourselves.

• Fear of rejection is real. Putting yourself out there is vulnerable—and we protect ourselves by staying in.

• Everyone’s busy. Or at least, they seem that way. And making a new friend can feel like scheduling a meeting.

• We think we’re the only one. Spoiler: You’re not.

Okay, So What Helps?

If you’re feeling disconnected in a new place, here are a few gentle things that truly help:

1. Choose one space and go deep.

Whether it’s a yoga studio, a local bookshop, a running club, or a campus society—show up regularly. Familiarity breeds connection. People start to notice. You stop being “new.”

2. Be the first to speak.

Say hi to the person next to you. Ask how their day was. Compliment their shoes. Most people are open to connection—they’re just waiting for someone else to initiate.

3. Stay open—but also stay you.

Don’t force a friendship just to fill the silence. Trust that your people exist—and when they arrive, it’ll feel easy. You won’t have to perform.

4. Join spaces that prioritize meaningful connection.

Not just another networking event. Not just small talk. Spaces where women actually show up as themselves.

That’s where The Femme Club comes in.

A Space Where You Don’t Have to Pretend

If you’ve been craving connection that goes deeper than “what do you do?”—you’re not alone. The Femme Club is a member-based space created for women like you: curious, kind, and craving real conversation.

Whether you’ve just moved, started something new, or simply want to find your people—The Femme Club will help you connect, not just network.

Because you deserve more than surface-level friendships. You deserve sisterhood, softness, solidarity.

And we’re here to make sure you don’t have to navigate it alone.